#Are we there yet movie rating pro#

Next scene, it’s pouring rain and Cube sees Nia Long broken down on the side the road. “And people wanna know why I hate kids.” Foreshadowing!Ĭube sees Nia Long across the street, instantly falls in love, then sees that she has kids and just as quickly loses interest. Now we see that Cube runs a sports memorabilia store, where Jay Mohr is his best friend and he spends every day chasing away punk kids. Keep in mind, this is a movie produced by a guy who spent most of the 90s threatening to murder me. “ Must Be Da Money” “ Ride Wit Me” is playing on the soundtrack, and they actually censor the “if you wanna go and get high with me” part. F*ck, I had no idea this movie was this weird and I’m not even through the opening credits. Ice Cube buys a new car and puts a Satchel Paige bobblehead on the dash – WHICH IMMEDIATELY STARTS TALKING TO HIM. “I feel sorry for the next sucker who tries to put the moves on her,” says the daughter, which is the segue for Ice Cube’s entrance montage. I’m reminded of Jingle All The Way, then suddenly realize that it’s the same director. “And don’t come back for Kwanzaa,” says the girl child.

“Merry Christmas, sucker,” says the boy child. Seems like a waste of some pretty high-level tech, if you ask me. The film opens with Nia Long’s kids planting Home Alone-style booby traps for their mom’s latest date as he walks to the front door, complete with darts, marbles on the walk way, glue-filled water balloons and a giant inflatable Santa Claus that flies off the roof of the house and crashes on the guy’s head, possibly killing him, apparently by remote control. And I wrote it up live-blog style to really recreate the experience. In any case, I watched 2005’s Are We There Yet, a Portland-to-Vancouver road trip movie starring Ice Cube and Nia Long, which incredibly has four credited screenwriters, so that you don’t have to. Still, that doesn’t mean it’s not still hilarious to see the guy who once rapped “forget about the dog fool, he’ll sh*t in the den, a gat is a man’s best friend” starring in a movie that bleeps a Nelly song on the soundtrack.

#Are we there yet movie rating pro#

The fact that a gangster rapper can cash in making crappy family movies today just like a pro wrestler or a golden boy quarterback could in years past is, if anything, progress. This week, Ice Cube has Straight Outta Compton coming out (a movie he co-produced that stars his son) a self-aggrandizing, self-mythologizing biopic chronicling his rise to fame as part of “ the world’s most dangerous group.” Since we’re in the middle of NWA nostalgia season, I thought this would be the perfect time to revisit Ice Cube’s least dangerous movie, 2005’s Are We There Yet?, which helped spawn the Ice Cube Then and Now meme (technically that was from the sequel, Are We Done Yet?) and prompted my life partner Burnsy to quip, “20 years ago I would’ve pissed my pants if Ice Cube looked at me, and now I want to put my ice cream on his head.”